Wednesday, September 03, 2003

 
Black Plowman and White Miller
Or: The Thrall from Thal
Or: Bustamante Bustsarhyme?
Or: "Borne along by a multicutural throng"

Kudos(from the Greek "kydos" for "glory")to John Derbyshire for his exhumation of Chaucer's
"Sacremento Tales." This "honest hire" of National Review continues to show that he can "cut the mustard." Like the better-known work of Chaucer, it is quite readable by a 21rst century Reader, and
the thicket of spellings is more easily cut through than, say, the hedges of Normandy(from ye olde Vikings, the Northmen), but "kudzus" to the Derbinator should he try something in Old English like the
"Tale of Paul Beowulfowitz."
The miserable excuse for posting my old parody of Keats' "To Autumn" was, of course, the little
tempest over tea-time about "On First Looking Into Chapman's Homer." It sucks less if one is familiar with, or Googles the originals. It may also help to note that to "hump" is (I've never been in the military, but have skimmed a few "Soldier of Fortune" mags)to carry a heavy load over difficult terrain. The
parody was inspired by reports decades ago of fiercely defended and booby-trapped marijuana
patches in remote areas of California. Some poetic license is taken given that the use of Carribean
bankers and light airplanes is probably more characteristic of the American southeast than California.
And I don't know that quicklime has been much used since the time of Mozart's(a.k.a. "Moe Zart" for
those who watched Schwarzenegger's "Last Action Hero" and also, "Amadeus")"de-composing." A
Google search for some lines of a Mickey Rooney WWII movie was, alas, unsuccessful. I seem to recall
that he was sitting under a tree, wounded and unable to run as he was approached by his would-be
Japanese captors and said something like, as he pulled out a couple of grenades, "Hungry? How about some nice "pineapples!?!" Hey, "suicide bombing" can't always be bad. The reference to Procol Harum's "Conquistador" is a tad obscure, but many, no doubt, will recall something of that haunting
and vaguely creepy song- and the lyrics can be found online. One hates to write anything that might be used by Cruz "Boche" Bustamente, but that reconquistador could do worse than play that song at campaign rallies sporting posters of Arnold as Conan -perhaps a still from the end of the movie where he sits as the narrarator notes that he will have a kingdom of his own-and singing "Conquistador's"
"Though you came with sword held high - You did not conquer only die." Swords were, of course, a
biggee in Conan The Barbarian and the evil guy in the flick killed Conan's family during his quest for "the riddle of steel." The young Conan was sold into slavery and later forced to fight, much in the manner of the
"thralls" of the original "Star Trek." Given a choice between the neonazi Bustamante and Arnold, a
conservative should prefer the latter, even if, or possibly because, this might be done ala Brimelow and Ed Rubenstein of VDARE as he is "borne along by a multicutural throng[poetry!] like Tarzan on a litter." [DIGRESSION ALERT! That there aren't many degrees of separation twixt Schwarzenegger and Johnny Weissmuller of "Tarzan" fame can be gleaned from the Googleable "German-Hollywood Connection."
Peter Jonas Weissmuller was born to ethnic Austrians in what was then part of the Austrian-Hungarian
Empire(-sorry, Jonas Goldberg; don't know if there are any "Simpsons" reference to that empire. Also note to JD: Hunter Thompson's assertions of drug use by Ed Muskie were false, but perhaps Kerry *was* under the influence of Ibogaine.). His natal village was Freiborg-translated according to the "Connection" as "free village."(Hmmmm....wonder if new hires to McDonald's franchises in Germany are greeted with: ARBEIT MACHT "FRIES"?) The 13 year-old Arnold was taken to a swimming pool dedication ceremony that featured none other than the then famous "Johnny Weissmuller." Schwarzenegger had been born in the Austrian village of Thal.(Interesting word, "Thal"-dental fricatives, found in the english "this" and "then" are said to have(largely?) disappeared over the past hundred years or so in Germany. John Geipel writes in "The Europeans" that "...the only two Gothonic languages to have retained the 'dental fricatives'... are English and Icelandic, whose speakers lived until historically recently, in close proximity to various forms of Keltic..." Ahem, at any rate, it's "Neandertal" not the archaic "Neanderthal" that holds sway in krautsprach, although a Bustamante could call Arnold "The Neanderthal from Thal." And although it
wouldn't go very far in establishing something like the partly German argot of the Los Angles of the movie,
"Blade Runner," Arnold could do worse than to shout,
"NO LEBENSRAUM FOR LA RAZA!!" ]
Lemme see...where wuz I? Regarding the "stout" of "stout Cortez," one's mental image of him could
be blocked by what "Conquistador" calls his "armor plated breast." This could have concealed what
"Tony Montana" of "Scarface" noted in his "good night to the bad guy" restaurant speach-something like, "a belly" and "ya need a bra; ya got tits wit' hair on 'em." (Having no "faculty for self-criticism," albeit
also without the talent to have, say, "REACTIONRY awards" from Andrew Sullivan, I can sympathise with any embarrassment felt by any NRO cornerite with respect to his old odes to gynecomastia.)
At any rate, the Reader is invited to join the pot-heads of "To Autumn in Big Sur" as they drift through periods of mellowness, complacency, paranoia, reveries, and abuse of an endangered species while they get "high on their own supply[Scarface]" of
their import-subsitution for "Acapulco(the resting place of Mr. Weissmuller)Gold," "Panama Red,"
or if it exists, "Darien Gold."