Friday, December 19, 2003

 
Primer Obsession?
Or: A Royal Send-Off for Saddam
Or: The Discrete Charm of the Bajazet

Only MadDog drunks and fools go out to compose online, oblivious of the risk of losing their precious blogs. Nothing much was lost a few days ago and not much will be written as some movie popcorn is strung together from a bucket, the bottom of which is largely intact.
The resemblance of the recently captured "President of the Republic of Iraq" to a famous picture of the self-loathing anti-semite, Karl Marx seemed too obvious to mention, but it was surprising that it wasn't until today's TNR article by a Ms. Power that no one else had remarked upon the similarity of the mathematician Ted Kaczynski to Saddam (the "Sunni Bomber.") Even their, uh, final "digs" were comparable. An NRO article by Mr. Fishbein suggests that Saddam may yet have some useful role to play on the world's stage(-hope he "frets" rather than "struts"), and who knows, perhaps Ted will pen a useful primer on primers and explosives.
And at least some of those sounding off with "Ding Dong the wicked witch is dead" should have paid homage to "Hot Shots Part Deux." Near the end of the flick the Lion of Iraq, having been frozen, then melted and finally reconstituted with his dog in a take-off of Terminator 2, is crushed by a piano tossed out of an overloaded helicopter. His shoes then curl up and are retracted with his legs underneath the instrument in an Oz-like, if not Ozymandias manner.
John Derbyshire states that his favorite victor's justice story is that of the punishment given to Bajazet(the Derbtionary spells it differently and for all I know, it's pronounced "Mumbai")by Tamerlane a.k.a Timur the Iron Limper. The story was already known to moi, although don't recall if I had posted something about myself or read it on NRO'Derb, but in any event, the event is noted in "A Distant Mirror" by Barbara Tuchman. Bajazet had kicked the butt of Christian forces that included her frog(not quite a prince)Coucy, and she goes on to note that after B1 died of "misery and shame" while being "dragged along on the Mongol path of conquest," "Bajazet's son held his own against own against Tamerlane, the Mongol eruption subsided, Bajazet's grandson advanced again in Europe, and in 1453 his great-grandson, Mohammed II conquered Constantinope."(Look Ma! No Google!)
BT does leave out the part about Bajazet's wife being forced to serve the victors victuals while naked. Sounds like something that Saddam & Sons would have come up with and was nothing like the consensual mix of food 'n sex between Topper Harley(Charley Sheen) and the character who earns her Native American name of "Little Sizzling Belly" in the first "Hot Shots" movie. -which was also, one assumes, nicer than the objectification of women as dinner plates by the oppressor class in (a frog flick which I never saw)"The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeoisie."
And speaking of degradation, one doesn't know what to make of the late Strom Thurmond's recented debuted daughter's long silence about her segrationist father. Perhaps it was not so much hush puppy money as a sense of loyalty to a scumbucket who didn't deserve it. Perhaps it's none of our business. But one wishes her and her descendants well and hopes that none of them have the self-loathing that twisted(for awhile, at least)Malcolm X, who hated "every drop of that rapist"(as I recall from his autobiography)who presumably bequeathed him his red hair, or that may have helped create the monster Hitler, who The History Channel claims was "obsessed" by the possibility that one of his grandfathers was the product of a seduction by a Jew of a servant.
I might not qualify as good-looking and successful enough to be counted as a member of the putative tribe of philosemites postulated on NRO, but there was a sense of pride among some members of my family when discussing the possibility that one of our ancestors was a, er, Royal Bastard. Great Grampa Werner was said to have been the issue of a servant girl and the King of Sweden. He education was provided for and he emigrated to America, and somewhere around here should be his 50-year pin for the practice of medicine. Nothing to be ashamed of...although ...arggh!...Napoleon placed upon the throne of Sweden, one of his generals, Bernadotte...
(Haven't Googled it, but seem to recall a Corner posts about wives of wealthy white southerners being cranky because their hubbies had a tradition of spending some time around Christmas with their black families. -wonder if their not so openly acknowledged kids called them m*****f***ers?)
-never give much thought to Sweden these days, although do recall that it was famous for its pornography in the 60s. Btw., I have it on good authority that John Derbyshire polishes his sceptre while watching the Chinese-produced film, based on the sexploitation of Korean refugees, "I Am Curious (Yalu)."*
A bastard more worth noting, while the fate of Saddam debated, is TE Lawrence. The movie "Lawrence of Arabia" suggests that he averted dissolution of an Arab tribal alliance against the Turks by taking upon himself the execution of an arab, "Gasim" who had killed someone of another tribe. I haven't found confirmation of the incident in an index-aided search of a copy of "Seven Pillar of Wisdom," but perhaps the account fell victim to one of Lawrence's "exceptions to the rule of condensation": "i)An incident of less than a page, was cut out because two seniors of our party thought it unpleasantly unnecessary." The scene where Lawrence empties his revolver into an off-camera and unrestrained and presumably mobile Gasim seemed funny recently, having sparked memories of the Austin Powers botched execution of "Mustafa" played by Will Farrell.
(I stand shoulder-to-shoulder, of course, with the Italian Anti-Defamation League in condemning the old, "Who put the last 10 bullets into Mussolini? -100 Italian sharpshooters.")
It was surprising to learn that Mongolian troops are part of the coalition of the willing in Iraq. It may have been the guy who functions for me much as "Mark Steyn"does for him who noted the Iraqi expression, "Worse than a Mongol."(That and a name for "Crusader" that seems to resemble the one for the nasty One-Galaxy Capitalists of the second incarnation of Star Trek.) Perhaps the nascent Iraqi state could avoid the Scylla of savage reprisal and the Charybdis of acquittal or cushy confinement of its former President by letting the Mongol hordes have at him. The Scourge of Kuwait could be assured that not a drop of his blood will be spilled upon the ground as a (soon-to-be)red carpet is rolled out. (Those who understand, will understand, and those who watched "The Conqueror" will understand that John Wayne's role as Genghis Khan was the worst of his career.)
Not worth noting note: I used "Rug Merchants of Death" in the past, but can't remember the context.

*No, really he's got a sceptre, a real sceptre, a *special* sceptre. And what the hell were *you* thinking of, preeverts? Yep, he's an agent of MI6, and plans to play upon the unconscious desire of conservatives to *give ourselves back to a certain isle*.

never proofread today what you can put off until tomorrow.....