Friday, December 10, 2004

 
In desparation nromirror takes Scrappleface's drilling for coffee in ANWAR bit and runs it into the ground. Looks like my niche is the null set.

Polar Espresso?

If coffee is ever successfully mined, or better yet, sustainably *produced* on Alaska's North Slope, it will be due in part to the failed, yet pioneering efforts of Chris Isaak Dinesen, who legally changed his surname to that of the nom de plume of his great-grandmother, a famous Danish novelist. After some initial "coffee break-throughs" on Denmark's Thule, he led a band of squatters to a deslolate region of Alaska which he touted as "Caffeineland." Unfortunately, just as his ancestor(a.k.a. "Baroness Von Blixen")failed in her attempt make a profit from cultivating the highlands of Kenya, Dinesen's investors lost their shirts- in spite of his assurance that, "Vot could be more natural than, how you say?- Danish and coffee?" His failure was the basis of the indie film hit, "Out of ANWAR." Escaping creditors,(and law-enforcement officials who were unconvinced that his "hydroponic Gro-Lux crop rotation" produced a "second harvest for medicinal purposes") he fled into a life of dissolution, and settled in Finland where he was arrested for his repeated requests of a Helsinki waitress for a "Lapp dance." After his release, Chris Isaak Dinesen attempted to drown his sorrows in cup after cup of "Irish Coffee." Ranting that his *birthname* was that of "Santa's tenth pack animal,"[I think that he meant "draught animals"] he managed to record his only hit single, "Wicked Games Reindeer Play."
Still clinging to life, Herr Blixen/Dinesen granted an interview to Bob Woodward, in which he claimed that the linkage of two major chains of coffee retailers; one to Islamic terrorists, and the other to Israelis, was *not* merely an internet hoax. And that furthermore, he was in danger of being assassinated by Israel's "dreaded intel agency, the Mocha." He also cautioned against letting the Islamic-owned enterprise become established in the ANWAR, as he warned(his english improved) against "camping in that park and letting a Caribou put its nose under the tent."


Posted by: REACTIONRY at December 10, 2004 02:53 PM