Wednesday, December 22, 2004

 
-still haven't gotten the hang of the Scrappleface thing......

Rock Soup
Or: Soup to Nuts?
Or: Wayne's Womb

Those without a paid subscription to Andrew Ciliavan's "Daily Petri Dish" may be unaware that self-styled "South Park Republicans" have derided this site's "primitive recipes for creating life," and asserted furthermore that the posts were not "proof of intelligent design." Their own boasts for the ability to create life from "just water and a rock" lost credibility when they alluded to theories that life on earth was seeded by space-borne microorganisms and added that it "worked a little faster and tasted much better with the addition of 'sea monkeys,'and human DNA." When asked to post webcam evidence of their fantastic claims for an "advanced civilization," the SP Republicans said that "religious wars had destroyed the tank."
I am currently soliciting funds for my own more realistic attempts to create life by using *real* monkeys and swamp...I mean...wetland water.
Unfortunately over six to eight weeks have passed since sending funds to an address found in a comic book insert in an old copy of the National Lampoon for a suitable subject included in the "Rhesus Monkey Torture Kit." And because of unfamiliarity with the labs at the U. of Minn. and increased security resulting from PETA raids, I had to mace a great big bloody Bengal tiger and beat a security guard with his own shoes, before snatching a spider monkey -which *hated* the water and inflicted several painful bites. Putting together a team to hit the Minnesota Zoo in Apple Valley(which houses hot tub-loving Japanese macaques) is proving more expensive than anticipated because I let it slip that something like 90% are carriers of Monkey Virus B which is usually fatal to humans.
Investors should be aware that U. Prof. Que has warned that spontaneous generation attempts might fail because of a time distortion which is[unsure of the meaning of "is" here]growing larger as it travels backwards through time.
Meanwhile I'm back to talking to my plants and playing a loop of Jack Nicholson's character in "Easy Rider": "nik, nik, nik, nik, nik..Swamp."