Wednesday, February 16, 2005

 
Tip A Canoe And Carter Too? (silly rabbit...)

Yeah, the USS Carter jokes seem to write themselves...

When under depth charge attack and the production of an oil slick is under consideration....
two keys are required to access the environmental impact statement...
Or: The U.S.S. Plowfish? How about humanitarian aid delivered by the U.S.S. Grain Thresher? USS Inordinate Fearless?
Or: Downplaying concerns about the safety of surplus Soviet-era nuclear submarines purchased by Germany as well as allegations of anti-Semitism, Gerhard Schroeder announced the deployment of the "Window Breaker" class.[hope that one was kristall-clear]
Or: John Kerry has offered technical advice regarding "zig-zaging".
Or: A noun long overdue for er, verbalization: "Malaise that order, sailor!"
Or: When the captain suspects that his boat is being followed by a hostile vessel hiding in the sonar "blind spot", he should execute the "Crazy Arianna" maneuver.
Or: Why not give the ship to a UN rapid-reaction force? -League of Nations Under The Sea-(know what I mean, Verne?)
Or: Does Jimmy think that "The Enemy Below" refers to the lust in his heart(or pants)? Or(paying further homage to that 1957 flick starring Robert Mitchum and Curt Jurgens and to a Star Trek episode)that an appropriate strategy for this imperfect world o' grey is "The Balance of Error"?
Or: Missions to monitor vote tabulating in third world countries could include a Sex Pistols- inspired rendition of "Friggin' in the riggin' of elections".
Or: Next, a sub honoring both Minnesota's "Happy Warrior" Hubert H. Humphrey, and a famous martyred employee of Foggy Bottom: The U.S.S. Horatio Alger Hiss.

And finally.......

Don't you get all choked up when you hear someone say, "Dan Rather and Eason Jordan are still on patrol"?