Thursday, August 24, 2006

 
I'm a *much* better mathematician, as well as "criminal mastermind," than John
Derbyshire....

Has *he* ever won a mathematics prize? Though my award of $100 was modest, it probably exceeded the total royalties for his *two* books on mathematics, the second of which was panned in Science. The reviewer said that he could not recommend it for his students,(without major corrections in a new edition) who if I recall correctly(the meds I'm forced to take interfere with memory), in an ESL class for victims of trisomy 21.
Granted, *I'm* in jail and he is not, but that may change when my lawyer gets around to appealing the one count for which I was unjustly convicted: the maiming of David Gelernter, who was then a Professor of Computer Science at Yale. By framing me and blowing up DG,(whose animus against evolutionary theory was apparent to Derbyshire even 15 years ago) this third-rate mathematician and second-rate programmer got a "twofer" against his moral and intellectual superiors.
Mr. Derbyshire's "bucket of Benadryl" post does suggest, as has already been noted by another Corner contributor, that the "Binary Lancer" has struck once again(though his numbers surely still lag far behind mine). We don't yet know the name of his latest victim, but I've already sent a brief manifesto to warn NYT editor, Chandler Burr, to carefully screen all packages, even if one appears to be on first inspection, say, a first edition of Richard Burton's The Perfumed Garden.
And now the Long Island nuclear bomb enthusiast has taken to the lowest common denominator of humor: puns - and seems fixated upon his imagined "Prince Charmin", the aforementioned Uberproboscis, Burr. What's next? Speculation that Chandler's columns will each feature a "scratch & sniff"? Or that he was hired in spite of his lack of touch-typing skills because he was "a' huntin' pecker"?[get it? "a hunt 'n pecker" -read that one in Playboy magazine -which is used, btw., by the guards to torment me because of my known opposition to not only silicon but also silicone implants.] Or "All The Nose That's Fit To Print"?
Well, it'll be "Lights Out" soon; time to say, "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you probably have some poor schmuck opening your mail for you."
*I* certainly do.

Ted "Wrongfully Accused" Kaczynski