Wednesday, August 09, 2006

 
Lamont Already Planning Presidential Bid

Or: Dawn of the Dems?
Or: The Power To Mend Clods

Connecticut Democratic primary winner Ned Lamont confirmed rumors that he intends to use his anticipated seat in the U.S. Senate to launch a campaign for the Presidency. "Assuming that we also win control of the House," he said to reporters, "I look forward to the impeachment of the so-called President -and perhaps a few Supreme Court Justices as well -giving us a shot at gaining control over all three branches of the federal government *before* 2008."
When asked about potential Vice-Presidential running mates, the dapper Lamont stunned members of the press by introducing former Senator Alan Cranston. When asked to explain the upright posture of his fellow "advocate for peace", Lamont gently pushed aside his somewhat gaunt and totally mute "walking mate", and stepped back up to the microphone to thank George Soros for funds used to bathe the formerly frozen corpse[Sen. Cranston assumed room temperature, albeit briefly, in 2001] in embryonic stem cells. He also promised that, just as he had revived his fellow Democrat, he would "work to heal all the broken people of this broken nation."
The conference ended with Lamont rallying his supporters by informing them that he had already chosen a "virtual cabinet" and yelling, "Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of the current administration? Only the shadow government knows! Lamont-Cranston to the White House!"